Day 100

December 14, 2009

Today proves to be a much better day than yesterday. No tears caressing my cheeks, no soaking wet clothes, and no more negative nelly! The morning, however, I can't say is the best. I still wake up in a dramatically bad mood. I am such a drama queen sometimes, I get irritated with myself. I actually think that's the majority of my problem. I realize how ridiculous I am, but by the time I do, I'm already too far into my argument, that I'm so annoyed with my attitude and I don't know how to get out of it. I just need time, I guess. So, I want to apologize to my family, who had to hear me, essentially bitch, yesterday. It was completely unnecessary, but thanks for listening! It helps!

I call my dad. He gives me really good advice, as always, which makes me feel better. Everyone in my family gives me good advice, but as we all know, we take everyone's advice differently. So, now I'm out of my bad mood. Once again, I go to The Capital Grille to work, and I forgot I changed around my schedule with Kara, so I don't work. This is the second time I do this! I guess I love my job so much, I always want to be there! ;) No, it really is a great place to work!

Now, I'm on a mission for a Christmas gift. Every year since I was in the fourth grade, my family and I have done what's called, Secret Santa's. My mom, dad, brother, and I draw a name and we get our "Santa" a $15 gift. Something that's fun. This year, I have a great gift! I obviously can't tell you who I have, but my gift is pretty awesome! And the wrapping...get out of town! It's totally original. So, we all know how I'm the cheapest person alive. I refuse to spend $4 on wrapping paper. So, I use old magazines, and painter's tape (because I don't have regular tape, nor do I want to spend $2 on it at the drugstore), and go to town! Remember in 2nd grade, when you would cut letters out of a magazine and glue them together to make words? Well, that's what I did for my gift tag! Haha! It's awesome! Good idea, huh? I have taken cheap and poor to the extreme. But I like to look at it as creative, not cheap. It's more authentic this way! ;)

My apartment looks fabulous! I cleaned it from top to bottom, all while baking cookies and listening to Pandora Christmas music, of course! Watch out, I'm turning into a real life Suzy Homemaker! Someday, I will make a pretty cool mom and wife! I got the itch for a kid the other day at The Capital Grille. Crazy, right? I was a little petrified myself when the feeling came over me! A family came in and there was about 12 people in their party. They had grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle, etc. There was a little boy, I'd say about four years old, dressed in a navy blue peacoat, with combed over hair. Oh my God, he was cute! All I could think of was, I want my little boy to look like this when I have one. I fell in love. And he wanted to follow me into the room, so I escorted him. When we got to the room, he looked and me and said, "Thank you, ma'am." Sweet Jesus, melt my heart. Then he introduced himself with his big brown eyes staring right at me as his tiny hand shook mine. I wanted to take him home.

Quickly, the feeling ended when the next family came in and their kids were running all over the place, screaming like maniacs! It was then that I realized, my children will be "those kids" who are holy terrors! I will be blessed with the pleasure of taking care of little heathens! No cute peacoats for them. They will probably want to wear spandex and over sized Teletubbies sweatshirts. ;)

Tomorrow is the massive beauty sale at my internship! I am stocking up and loading up beauty supplies on the cheap! Whew hew! It's Christmas shopping on the fly!

I will have you know, I have not turned on the television once tonight. It's quite nice! I talked with my best guy friend, Greg, tonight. He is so funny, but going through a rough break up right now. I went through the same thing in June as he did, so I can relate to what he's going through. It's no fun. And he is absolutely crazy about this girl. She screwed up a good thing. He is such a great person and she took advantage of that. I don't understand people. Sounds all too familiar to me. Listen to what he did.

He told her he was going to take her to the best restaurant in Salt Lake City (that's where he lives). He turns his apartment into a mini restaurant! He cooks her dinner and even goes into the bathroom to change clothes from a waiter, to her date, to a cook! How sweet is that? And for Christmas...he made her a book of pictures of all of the goofy things they've done together and cool places they've gone! It's great! Only if I can find someone to do nice things like this for me! Some guys don't understand that it's the little things in life that matter. This dinner he made for her is so much better than a fancy shmancy restaurant any where in the world. Take note, fellas!

Note to self: Take negative energy and turn it into something positive. Why waste time on something you know isn't going to work out? Focus your time and energy on what's important in your life right now. You don't get this time back. When you are faced with a challenge, face it with confidence and courage. Don't be afraid to look at the challenge, delete it from your memory, and move on. When someone tells you to forget about it. Forget about it. They're right. The hurt and frustration you're going through isn't worth all the heartache. When you realize you do have so much going for you and there is better out there, take that ammo and push through it. It's not easy, by no means, but it can only make you stronger and make your ambitious drive that much harder. (Thanks dad! ;) )

Day 95

December 9, 2009

Can I just tell you what a hot mess my family is? It seems like the last few days, every time I call a family member, they don't answer. You wonder why? I do too; until I get a call from my brother telling me that now my mother is in the hospital! WTF? Okay, so I laugh about it, but it's actually not that funny. She fell--let me restate--she face planted it off of an eleven foot ladder! Yikes! I'm sorry mom, but c'mon now!

First dad goes into the hospital for heart palpitations or something, my life is just all kinds of crazy on so many levels, Brett just glides through life, (which isn't a bad thing, unless you have to deal with his luck every single day!), then mom decides to climb a ladder, fall off, and break her arm! Brett calls me and says, "Ashley, don't call me anymore." I know it! I'm bad luck! Damn! Good news is...she gets surgery and all will be okay! Thank God all she broke was her arm! After face planting it off an eleven foot ladder, most people would be mummified from head to toe, with a jacked up nose, broken neck, everything! She got lucky!

I hope you are enjoying Brett's blogs! He doesn't think they're as good as mine. Of course not, Brett! I have to better at you than something in my life! ;) JK! I actually think they're quite humorous. I always love to read about what people really think about me! =) It's funny because my friend Tim and I were talking via e-mail about me catching a New York attitude. I told him the only thing I've caught is the fast pace walking! Now you know I'm not lying! Continue reading Brett's blogs! I'm posting three more tonight!

Speaking of fast pace walking. You know how people say when the first snow falls comes, people don't remember how to drive. Well...it's the same in New York. When it's raining so hard and in all directions, that no matter what you do, you end up soaked walking into work, people forget how to walk. Why do we go slower? Wouldn't we want to walk faster to get to our destination quicker and possibly less wet? Guess not. And why do you shake your wet umbrella as you're walking down the street? I already showered this morning. You don't need to water me! I'm not a plant! ;)

I spend all day in the clothes closet! Let me tell you, Spring 2010 clothes are looking fabulous! Bright, vibrant colors--dresses, tanks, ruffles, sheers! It's fantastic! Then...I leave BHG to go to my hostess job. When I get there, my boss asks me, "What are you doing here?" I reply, "Umm...I'm here to work." I looked at the schedule wrong! Whew! I get to go home, which is great because I am exhausted and my tornado-activity apartment needs some work! So, what do I do? Decorate for Christmas, all while listening to my Pandora Christmas station! Check out my decor. It's not a lot, but I don't really have a lot of room to work with! The decorations my aunt sent me are perfect! What do you think??

Do you like the snowman? My best friend, Maddie, gave it to me! It's those gel appliques! Funny, huh? I had way too much fun putting that on my wall!

Note to self: Never get your hopes up! This is no negative comment, just advice so you don't set yourself up for failure...over and over again. When a certain someone randomly keeps popping in and out of your life, don't question it. It's happening for a reason. Whether you're being tested, or God only knows why else, just don't think about it. Even though it's probably not a good idea that this is happening, you can't help it. Son of a gun! When you ask yourself, why can't I be strong enough to say no?, realize that you are strong enough. It's just the fact you probably aren't ready to let go. This is totally cliche, but unbelievably true--Time truly does heal all wounds. Some take longer to get over things than others, but that's okay. In time, what is meant to happen will happen and just realize that you are going to be ridiculously happen no matter what path your life has paved out for you!

Day 92

December 7, 2009

Happy Birthday to my great grandma, Gracie! I am exhausted. I hit the snooze for an hour this morning! I am fighting my eyelids all day long, sitting at my computer! Work is fun today, though! I get to watch the editor's pick what items they want for upcoming stories. They're going to be really fun! Everyone should subscribe to Better Homes & Garden and at www.bhg.com. I'm a member and let me yell ya'...the recipes that are e-mailed to you. Whew! Forget about it! They look amazing! Plus, all of the helpful fashion, beauty, and home decor tips. It's a fun website!

I actually have a plan to go get an exercise DVD after work. Yea...didn't happen. I will, eventually. I'm thinking Tae Bo. I know it's old school, but it's one heck of a workout! Test it out. You'll be either thanking me or hating me the next day because your butt cheeks haven't quit twitching from all of the leg exercises!

Winter is here people! I don't like it one bit. However, we don't have snow, just yet. All you Iowans need to keep it to yourselves. For once in your life, don't share! Don't be your Midwestern, hospitable selves. We don't want it! My friend Renee sends me a picture today via e-mail. It's pretty, but no fun to walk around in.

I get home from work to a lovely box of Christmas decorations from my Aunt Tammy. It's great! I didn't think I would have any this year, but I do and I'm loving them! We talk for an hour and a half and have one hell of a heart to heart! We talk about life, love, and the pursuit of happiness. It's a nice conversation two single woman can have together on a Monday evening! I love it! Tammy tells me of this new coffee shop kind of over by Drake's campus. I don't know what it's called, but she loves coffee more than I do, so I think we're going to go when I'm back!

If you aren't on Pandora.com, you should be a member! I always create new music stations and rock out all the time. Since I have yet to put up curtains, my neighbors probably think I'm nuts! There goes the crazy naked girl dancing around her apartment again at ten o'clock at night, is what I'm sure they are saying! Okay...I don't really dance around naked. I'm sure they've seen me naked plenty of times, but whatever. I sometimes like to air dry after I shower. I hate putting on clothes when my body is damp! No worries--it's nothing they haven't seen before. I told my mom tonight I should leave a tip jar on my balcony. It would make for good rent money! She has to be so proud of her only daughter! ;) And now dad knows where all his money went for dance lessons all of those years! Thanks dad! You're the best!

Right now, I have a little Trans Siberian Orchestra Christmas mix going on with my Pandora! I would love to see them in person. I have heard it's unbelievable! You know what I miss? Delilah and Lite 104.1 Christmas station. Delilah always solves the world's problems with the swift stroke of a finger. I'm not saying I have problems right now, (even though Lord knows I probably do;) ), I enjoy hearing the stories.

Dieting sucks! You think you're eating so healthy--a turkey sandwich and banana for dinner, and an apple and a turkey salad for lunch. Okay, and a Special K breakfast bar. Just that...800 calories! Are you kidding me?? What happens if you're still hungry and your stomach hurts? I guess just suck it up? Why can't everyone be fat or skinny? Life would be so much easier!

Please keep the Bosley family in your prayers this evening for a sad loss in their family. Grandpa was a great man and the cutest little guy I've ever seen! They should be proud to call him family--and they most definitely are!

I told myself I'm going to be in bed by ten and guess what? It's actually going to happen! Oh yes! I am going to be one of those lame-o's who is in bed early! I'm okay with that. I need my beauty rest!

I want to give you a quick update on the hottie firefighter by my work. I bet you just got really excited for me. Well...nothing has happened. I'm thinking the same thing...darn it! I haven't seen him since I last told you about the magical moment we locked eyes and he says, "Hey, how's it goin'?" (Sigh). I spoke too soon!

Note to self: Don't drink and drive. It's so stupid! I heard about the two kids getting killed in a drunk driving accident back home. It's completely unnecessary. Driving 115 mph? Really? Even sober, that's just beyond stupid! People don't understand what it does to families. Even though you're shaking your head right now, you have no idea. I don't either. After working at a funeral home and seeing the repercussions of a totaled car and what it does to your body, then having to watch these families look at their loved one like that? No way. It's traumatizing, maddening, and disappointing. How hard is it to pick up the phone and call to get a ride? So, you don't want to get in trouble? Well...now you're dead. I'd rather be grounded for a month and have my life. Don't let fear get in the way of living.