January 22, 2010 - January 23, 2010
The weekend, thus far, has been a rather relaxing one. Scheduling with friends this week doesn't make it possible to go out! So, Friday, I sleep in, considering my lack of sleep the nights before. It's quite nice! I pretty much just lie around all day and do nothing. It's nice. I was thinking though. A while back, I walk into my apartment, which is unlocked (weird)...I think I may have told you this already, and there was a note on my kitchen counter from my apartment building. They came in to check the smoke detector, or something. Well, when I sleep, all I sleep in is my underwear and that's all I wore Friday, while lounging. How awful would that have been if they walked in?? I bet they wouldn't expect a semi-naked woman walking around! Good morning to you! ;)
I can't be lazy all day, so I decide to go to the New York Public Library. Along the way, I get attacked by a pigeon! I hate those things! It flew right to my face! I feel like a moron because I'm tucking and rolling away from a damn bird in the middle of Times Square, saying, "Shit!" in front of tons of people! Anyways...can I just tell you the library is like a museum?! It's HUGE! The inside is gorgeous--marble, pillars, inscriptions, and books galore! So amazing! I get lost! It's a ton of fun! Then, I go home. I'm not really in the mood for exploration.
I have a bit of a melt down today. I'm just really frustrated with the job market right now. (Go figure, right?) I am absolutely loving my internship, but I can't do it forever. And with Meredith laying off 50 people, I'm not really banking on full-time work anytime soon. It's understandable. So, I'm on the hunt again. It sucks! I'm talking to my grandma and have tears rolling down my cheeks. Not many because I'm trying to hold it in as I walk down the street.
I wake up rather early Saturday morning. I get some things accomplished for Maddie's wedding, then I get ready for work. I stop on my way and get a Diet Mountain Dew. I know I've told you this before, but me and caffeine do not mix well. I brought a book to read, but was bouncing off the walls too much to sit still and read it! I pace. I get nervous. My body gets jittery. Not good. These are the signs of someone on cocaine...can you even imagine? I've NEVER EVER done this, nor will I EVER, but I would probably run two marathons in one day if I did! To curb my caffeine kick, I dance to "Roxanne" in the kitchen! Haha! The staff got dinner AND a show! Can't beat that! ;)
Work's fun tonight! I was having NFL player withdrawals, so it's nice to see the guys again! Not that they hold conversations with me, but "Hi" is good enough! ;) You're never going to believe what happened on the walk home! I'm talking to my grandma on the phone, I pass the fire station and guess what? There he is! All 6'8" of manliness staring right at me! God! This would happen while talking to the old lady! ;) And I'm having a really, really good hair day! I can't say, Oh, gotta go!, then hang up! That's way too obvious! I didn't have plans tonight, so it would have been fun to hang out there! I would have a hay-day sliding down the pole all night long! I've come to the decision, I'm going to start a fire in my apartment! I'll be the damsel in distress! ;) It's too perfect!
Also, on my walk home, I pass through Times Square, as usual, and come across a group of black men, dressed as King Arthur, preaching. I stop to see what's going on. They are protesting gay people, calling some of the men standing there, "homos." I don't like that word. It's not nice. They say it's against the Bible, whan, whan, whan! They're saying things like "men having sex with other men from behind is ridiculous." No, sir. You're King Henry lookin', knight in shining armor, get up is ridiculous! Then they say, "your face is a costume." Even better, "Your dad is a costume!" Hahahaha! Really? That's not even a good joke for a second grader! Idiot.
THEN he says, "you white people are the racist ones!" Okay! Now, I walk away. I'm pretty outspoken against people like this and I can't even deal with such ignorance! Excuse me, but with you and your "boys" parading down the streets of Times Square, acting and screaming the way you are, isn't being racist? I beg to differ. Every type of race has racism. Don't you dare going around, preaching like you are his all-mighty holy one, because as far as I'm concerned Sir Lancelot, God doesn't judge. You're judging. Are you perfect? Far from it! If you really knew the Bible, you would know God accepts all people--even your poor excuse of a man.
Note to self: When you realize you're not the big city girl you hoped and thought you were, what do you do now? It's a note to self I've been dealing with for the last couple of months. I absolutely love New York City, but deep down, it's not for me. I've been trying my hardest to make myself feel the passion for it I had before I moved here. I'm having a blast and have met so many great people, I can't even begin to explain it to you. But I like neighbors. I like hospitality. I like the homey feeling of places. It's not homey here. It's a great city, but very cold. I miss the Midwest values. You have no idea how nice it was to go home and get those values from everyone. To go on a date with someone and not have their intention be to sleep with you at the end of the night.
I don't want to move back to Iowa, but somewhere like Iowa, only warm all the time! I'm still looking for jobs in the city, but have also expanded my search to Florida, Texas, and Georgia. Even though I'm focusing on the bigger cities in these states, you still get the sense of family, friends, and home. It's just a bummer when you want something like this to work out so bad, but your heart just isn't in it. It makes me so sad, but I also need to focus on my future. I want to wake up to palm trees everyday, the smell of the ocean, and warm weather! I want to be a beach mom someday! (Not anytime soon!) I want a boat! Although things never work out like you think they will, this is the life I ultimately want for myself!
You know how they say, everything happens for a reason? I totally agree with this statement. I just want to know the reason as to why I can't find anything right now. Things didn't work out last summer because I was meant to move here. Things didn't work out with the hundreds of jobs I applied to while here because I was meant to work at Better Homes & Gardens. I want to know the reason for what's going on now! There's something coming up in my future, but what is it? I know you have to be patient, but that word really isn't in my vocabulary. I suppose I'll find out--let's just hope it's sooner than later!
