May 4, 2010
Being mentally exhausted is way more exhausting, than being physically exhausted. Don't ya' think? When you have so much on your mind, and you are heavily weighing so many options, it's tiring. Why can't life be so easy and just have things fall into place? For some, it's that easy. For me, it would never be that easy. I can't complain...my problem is a good one at that. I'm throwing myself a pity party because I am so tired--from the weekend, the current events in my life, I'm PMSing (which is never good!), and I'm ready for my life to start settling down. Yes, I am being a cry baby! I'll get over it.
I went to the ocean today. You know how on reality shows, when a huge, dramatic incident comes up, and someone always ends up walking the beach "to think?" Well, that was me today. And in all honesty, it's the best place to go when you have a lot on your mind. The ocean has a way of calming you down and making you think rationally. I don't know what it is. It's so soothing. The wind was blowing warm air, everyone was smiling, the smell was delicious, and the sounds were comforting. I really cleared my head and got things figured out. Wonderful!
Then I go to Target! Which really tops off my night! I went for groceries. Here, Target is sometimes cheaper to buy food than the grocery store. They had so many sales today on food, I was in heaven! I got normal-people peanut butter. Not that oily, organic, glass bottle junk! The first thing I did when I unpacked my groceries...opened that jar and took a big spoonful out! It tasted so good!
As I'm walking up my stairs, I notice an abundance of little geckos walking on the walls and ceilings right outside my door. Freaked me out! I just stood there because all I could think of was, the minute I turn my back, that sucker is going to jump on my head! No way am I going to let that happen! So, like I said, I stand there. Just staring at it. I swear to you we had a staring contest. I won, of course! ;) Then, I thought, this is crazy! What am I doing? It's a freakin' lizard! So, I hurry and get my key on the door and slam it shut--following my locking my door. Because you know, the lizard could get in by opening the door with its hands. I'm crazy! ;)
I spent most of my night catching up with family and friends on the phone! It was nice! Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I did get semi-yelled at today. The most exciting thing to happen to me since I've been here! Some guy on a bike. But then when I looked at him, he was smiling and he gave me a wink. So, the fact that I almost hit him and could have possibly killed him, didn't phase him one bit. =)
My friend, Kristi, and I were talking about gut feelings tonight. I was actually talking with this about a lot of people today. What I've discovered, is to never ever go against your gut feeling. Even if it's something you don't want, or you don't think is right. I'm telling you right now, it probably is. I think people just need to learn to go with their gut reaction. I've learned this the hard way. But again, I believe that one of the only ways to learn certain things, is by the hard way. It makes you wake up and realize, versus just learning a quick lesson and going back to normal life.
Kristi said, your gut feeling is there for a reason. We may not understand the meaning right now, but we will. So, my advice to you, because I know I needed this, just go for it. And like other people tell me, just don't think about it. The more you think about it, the more you talk yourself out of something. You're better than that. No one knows yourself better than you. So, do what you think is best for YOU, not for others. When you start doing that, you get nowhere in a hurry! Just remember, you're the one living your life--don't do it for others based on silly reasonings. You're better than that.
Note to self: "Weakness of attitude, becomes weakness of character." -Albert Einstein
There's no need for an explanation. Just don't let it happen. This is such a powerful statement and can be a smack in the reality face, if you let it. You should let it slap you. Let it sink in.