So this blog is going to start from the end of my night to the beginning of my day. I start working out tonight. I want to be the skinny woman who looks great in everything, walking down the street! So, sit-ups, push-ups, and leg workouts are in the works. Any insight into great butt workouts, e-mail me! My curvy booty needs to go down a bit! My gym in my building is under construction, so in-the-room exercises will have to do for now! Salmon Mondays with Valerie saves my day! Three bucks for a sushi roll—yes, please!
At the end of every blog, I have a Note to Self. Well, today folks, my whole blog is a MAJOR Note to Self! I learn the biggest lesson of my life today and reality smacks me in the face—it actually kicks my ass! ;)
Note to self: Never be afraid to ask questions. If you don’t, you never know what you’re getting into. And in a foreign place, you absolutely HAVE to know where you’re going, whom you’re going with, and what you’re getting into. If you don’t ask, you’ll end up in Ghettoville, New Jersey (a.k.a. East Orange, NJ), where you are the only two white people in sight!
I get to a second job interview today and am introduced to an “executive” named Billy. He is taking me around to show me the ropes. Mind you, the “ropes” were explained to me like this: “You will be researching a company, putting together a plan, and presenting it to the client.” This actually translates to: we’re putting your ass on a train, with a creepy, chip-toothed salesman, and sending you all the way to NJ—going door-to-door, unannounced, trying to sell Culligan water filtration systems. I know, I’m exhausted reading it too!
Okay, WTF?!? We get off the train and literally have to walk around neighborhoods and the town’s “Main Street” asking these people to spend $35 a month on something they clearly do not have the money for! You should have seen this place! It is a ghost town, minus all of the straggling pedestrians lurking on the sidewalks. Run down buildings, busted out windows, and severely cracked sidewalks line the trash-filled streets.
Can I just start off saying any white person looks out of place here, but even more so is a tall, blonde, white girl! We walk into a few beauty salons. They are much different than the salons I’m used to. They are black women, getting their hair weaved and braided. I do not know those braids are not real hair! I laugh because I probably look like a kid at Christmas! There is fake hair lying around everywhere and I’m fascinated! When I walk in, they are probably thinking, honey, we do not have anything in here for you! ;) At least, this is what the looks on their faces say!
So, I take back the only two white people in town. There are actually four of us! Two of them are patients at the local psychiatric hospital. So, at least we know we are not alone in this town. Us Caucasians have to stick together, and apparently the only way to do so is by being committed! I thought about acting crazy just to get committed and away from the insanely creepy man this company stuck me with today!
The day progressively gets worse. Billy is the skuzzy, used car salesman type. As the day goes on, he starts to stand closer to me and starts to talk closer to my face. Personal space buddy! I have a rule: anyone wearing an oversized suit with torn shoes, a chipped tooth, and repulsive attitude is to stay at least five feet away from me!
Instead of staying in “White People Don’t Live Here” town, he says we are leaving and going to Jersey City to close a deal—his friend is going to pick us up in his car and drive us there then back to the office. Hmm…my intuition starts kicking in and telling me this is not a good idea! My intuition really punches me in the face when he starts talking about teenage pornography!
His buddy, who’s an ex-cop was previously caught and arrested for sending naked pictures to a 14-year-old girl and then asks to meet up with her via the Internet. He proceeds to defend his friend and tell me how this guy should not be on the sex offender list. “So, you know how you get on the Internet and hey!, teen porn sites pop up. He probably just thought, ‘wow, what a cute girl, why not talk to her?’”
I don’t know about you, but porn sites NEVER pop up on my computer. Then he goes, “It’s just like when I’m searching for ink for my Epson printer. All of a sudden an ad that says, ‘Have sex with Epson’ pops up. It’s some girl names Epson, not the print cartridge. Ya’ know (hahaha) that stuff just pops up. It would be easy to click on it. But you know, you know, I don’t do that. I just click out of it.”
Okay…I’m pretty sure my face was something like, ‘WTF are you talking about?’ You know that look every woman gets on her face—raised eyebrow, crooked lip, and sassy attitude. I’m not laughing with you, Billy. You’re not funny, nor are you convincing me that it’s okay your middle-aged, horny friend did this. I know when I Google things like an Epson ink cartridge, NO ad pops up asking me to have sex with someone named Epson. Maybe I’m not normal, but if this is normal, call me weird! Why do you continue to keep talking to me about this? You are a shitty salesman—you can’t sell a single Culligan filtration system, so quit trying to sell me that teenage pornography is ligit!
We get to the train station, ready to head to Jersey City and he is STILL talking about how “14-year-old girls know exactly what they’re doing. It’s more of a family issue with those girls. Where are their parents?” Is he being serious right now? He’s blaming the girl and her parents? Now, I’m just pissed. So, since I know I’m not getting off in Jersey City with him, I give him my two cents.
“How old is your friend?” I ask, “Like forty? Okay…I actually think your friend is disgusting and has every right to be on the sex offender list. You say that 14-year-old girls know what they’re doing, they don’t. They are naïve and curious and it’s because of repulsive men like your friend that girl’s continue to act like this. It’s just disgusting! It may be a parental issue, but your friend is a grown man and knows what he’s doing much more than that young girl! He is forty years old and any man that would do that deserves the punishment and is absolutely grotesque!”
He just looks at me and says nothing. What are you going to say? You know I’m right, you nauseating, poor excuse for a man! It gets better! He then changes the subject quickly and starts showing me pictures of his kids—yeah, I feel sorry for them too! He shows me a couple and then says, “Here’s one that’s a little risqué…” It’s of him and his children, naked in the bathtub! Aahhh!! Are you serious, sir? Now what the hell am I supposed to say to that? Oohh…those love handles and gorilla-hair chest are really turning me on? I actually think I just threw up a little bit!
THEN!...he asks, “So, are you and your brother pretty tight?” “Very,” I say. “So, what about you and your dad? You pretty tight?” “Very,” I say. “Yeah, that’s cool. So, you guys are pretty tight then?” Well, Billy, you heard me the first two times, but I reply, “Yes, we are. I am very protected—probably a little too much. They would kill for me.” Hint, hint…step back Billy because if you come closer, my dad and brother will fly to NYC and literally beat your balls off!
We get on the train and I say, “Ya’ know…I don’t think this job is for me. I have been completely misinformed on what exactly this job is…thanks for taking the time to show me around today, but I think I’m going to head back to the city when you get off in Jersey City.” He says that’s okay and leaves.
Having wonderful men in your life is amazing! A woman could not ask for anything more! My dad calls me a few times to ensure my safety and my little brother calls to make sure everything is okay! I know I’m 1,100 miles from home, but knowing they are there still makes me feel safe!
So, as you can imagine, I am exhausted! I’m going to bed and hoping tomorrow’s interviews go much better! ;)