I'm sorry I've been MIA the last few days. My internet has decided to work only when it wants to. And apparently, it only wants to work when I'm not home. Because when I am home, she doesn't turn on. Fabulous. Anyways...
Wednesday was a big day at work! We celebrated Il Bacio's 1-Year Anniversary Celebration in Delray Beach. It was so much fun! I got to work the door. Like the girls you see on television. I didn't have clip boards, but other girls did. I didn't have to be the nazi, check-in lady. I just took their money and gave them wristbands. Thank goodness! My conclusion, after working this event: I need fake boobs. I said it! They have to get bigger! My chest looked like a ten-year-old, trapped inside a 25-year-olds body! Not okay.
So, I tell my dad of my latest "idea." He thinks I'm nuts! But I tell them, "Dad, they advertise on the radio, breast augmentations for only $3,500!" He doesn't care. I'm pretty much kidding! Although fake boobies would be nice, I don't think they would be as fun! My favorite thing to do is shimmy! Can you really shimmy with plastic in your chest? And I'm talkin' about a real good booby-movin' shake! I don't think so!
Me: "I think it would be refreshing for a guy to see a woman with no fake boobs, don't you think?"
Dad: "Ashley, I don't know. I'm not talking about this with you right now."
Me: "Come on, I'm serious."
Dad: "Okay..."
Hehe! This is after I told my dad, when he was down here, that my va jay-jay is out of comission! LOL! I love messing with him! His response, "Oh my God, Ashley! I don't want to know this!" Hehe! So funny! So, it may be inappropriate, but I'm just messing around with him!
So, like I said, the party was a success! The day of the event, I had to go to Lowe's to get some clamp lights for the red carpet. Okay. I did not realize how many freakin' light bulbs there are on sale. Who knew you get 25 different bulbs, that all look the same, but act completely different. I don't know. I almost bought what's called a 3-way bulb. It was cheap! Then some guy told me those are for the lamps that click multiple times for different shades. Huh. Who knew?!
Thursday was good! The weather is beautiful here! I'm talking 80+ degrees, sunshine, and wonderful! I went shopping and went to the grocery store. I don't really want to get a lot of food, because I'll be back in Iowa for five days for Maddie's wedding. I don't want anything to spoil. It's so hard going to the grocery store with no idea what you want. I was walking aimlessly down the aisles like an idiot.
Then, I get home and discover something I've been trying to figure out! So, by my building, there is another smaller building, which to me, looks like one of those cement bathrooms you see at the beach. This whole time, I've been thinking, what in the heck is there bathrooms doing in the middle of the parking lot? Come to find out, it's the mailboxes! Hmm...again, who knew?! I was just talking to my mom about that too. I told her I didn't know where they were. Found them!
Friday, I'm not doing much. It sucks! I wish I had friends because I really want to go out! Once I get a job at a restaurant, I'll be able to meet people and then go out! Plus, I don't really have money to go out! Next weekend is going to cost me a bit, but totally worth it! And I want to look skinny! We're talking professional photographers here, people! No double chins! No belly! No Beyonce booty! Can't happen!
I hope everyone's having a great week!
Note to self: Always be prepared for the unexpected. Follow the guy, whose story, I've posted below. He was prepared, thank goodness! Enjoy!
AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2009-05-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... Isn't it?!
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].
After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... After I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.
The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).
In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... But I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours,
Alex
P.S. Remember this motto ... An armed society makes for a more civil society!